Groups are a common structure in the substance use treatment setting, yet many individuals experience fear or resistance toward the group format and pursue individual treatment sessions instead. It’s true that not every person will benefit from a group and not every group will be a good fit for your needs, but if you have struggled to find a substance-free lifestyle on your own, and you feel hesitant to join a group, you may want to consider for a minute what our clients tell us about their initial concerns and how the group experience has influenced their success:
It’s just ME!
You may know that’s not true in theory, of course, but to arrive in a safe well-facilitated group of peers brings a sense of belonging, which is a powerful ingredient on the road to healing and recovery. Even after only three days, the most typical phrase we hear is, “I feel so relieved knowing I’m not alone”.
I’m so embarrassed!
Shame is one of the strongest barriers to group participation. When you find yourself in a small group of like-minded peers with whom you identify, you begin to feel the relief of shared experience. Our alumni have shared that their shame began to peel away once they experienced compassion for others, which in turn engendered self-compassion.
No one understands
So often, the battle with substances is hidden. You talk to no one about the way it’s been dominating your thoughts. You try not to even know it yourself. Attempts to share your experience may be met with anger, blame, dismissal or placation, falling short of the understanding and support you need.
In some ways, it makes sense that “no one understands” because you haven’t been talking to the right people, those who have lived and breathed the struggle, the secrets, and the shame. When you share your experience with a supportive group, the nods, comments and feedback help you to see that there are so many people who do understand completely.
It’s not that bad!
When you join a group of peers, you begin to hear from others how the little things started to erode their life. There is often no “hit bottom” moment for many of our clients. You begin to hear that it is more subtle; the slow withdrawal from people you were close to; the downplaying of how much you actually drink/use; the excitement of being “free” to indulge as much you want, being pleased your loved ones aren’t home, so you can.
When you are living in a battle that is subtle and doesn’t fit stereotypes our culture has of “alcoholic”/ “addict” you can normalize it and miss the opportunity to seek help. Bringing your personal struggle to an understanding group of peers opens the door to a new perspective.
I should be able to manage this!
When you join a group, you witness the immense underlying struggle of outwardly high functioning peers. In looking ‘behind the curtain’ you start to realize that all the strategies that help them do well in the world simply don’t apply to this struggle. This type of change requires another set of skills and a recalibration of strengths.
Our members have expressed that it is the group atmosphere that allows you to witness the healing in fellow members when they identify problematic patterns and develop healthy coping strategies. When you are in the presence of vulnerability, you connect more easily to your own vulnerability. This willingness to be vulnerable, and to look at destructive patterns in yourself and others, shines a light on the stuck places we could never see when we looked on your own.
I can’t imagine life without alcohol
When you join a group and witness others who have been substance-free for just a few weeks, who are beginning to feel a sense of freedom and wellbeing, you discover a window into what it CAN feel like. Here are a group of your peers who report having felt “exactly” what you are experiencing, and who are so clearly relieved to be free. It is a window into a future you weren’t able to imagine by yourself.
In summary, along with the observations from our group members above, we have learned that in a respectful and welcoming environment, facilitated by an experienced clinician, the added accountability of a group is a crucial step in successful recovery. During the first few months when you may feel particularly vulnerable, knowing you belong to a group of people who are invested in your journey is a powerful addition to your own commitment. When you have the predictable “wavering moment” early on, it will often be the group you don’t want to let down. While you work on “improving your relationship with self” it is often the power of the group that will see you over the hump and help you quell your ambivalence.